


Laugh, Not Cry

by zephyr2113



Series: Dark Road [3]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephyr2113/pseuds/zephyr2113
Summary: Songs can do a lot of things. They soothe, irritate and carry us to the places we're meant to be.





	Laugh, Not Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! An old one but I'm posting it to gain courage.
> 
> Now edited again. I'm sorry!

_I just want to see you_

_When you're all alone_

_I just want to catch you if I can_

_I just want to be there_

_When the morning light explodes_

_On your face it radiates_

_I can't escape_

_I love you 'till the end_

_I just want to tell you nothing_

_You don't want to hear_

_All I want is for you to say_

_Why don't you just take me_

_Where I've never been before_

_I know you want to hear me_

_Catch my breath_

_I love you 'till the end_

_I just want to be there_

_When we're caught in the rain_

_I just want to see you laugh not cry_

_I just want to feel you_

_When the night puts on it's cloak_

_I'm lost for words, don't tell me_

_'Cause all I can say_

_I love you 'till the end_

 

Spike is in some dark corner when he hears the song playing. He’s always liked the Pogues and this one reminds him of his Xan and the irony of an evil law firm having good taste in _music_ , never mind love songs, for fuck sake. He knows that some time has passed since the amulet hurled him back out, but they won’t talk to him and he can’t touch anything. It makes him angry and sad by turns and if he could bloody pick up a phone, he could find his family, find his love and get _away_ from this miserable place.

 

Xander sighs when the quiet is shattered by laughter and quick feet. He walks away and shuts himself in his room. The radio’s on and there’s guitar and a gravelly voice singing “I love you till the end.” He cringes but listens anyway and damn, all he can see and hear is Spike. In Africa, he feels he can be close to where Spike has been. They might have walked the same trail, breathed the same nighttime air. Maybe even slept in the same places.

He doesn't remember the last day of Sunnydale. Doesn't remember sneaking a goodbye kiss in a shadowy alcove in the school. Doesn't remember hearing Buffy say goodbye to Spike. Doesn't remember huddling with Dawn, and later, Faith in the shabby hotel, talking quietly about their brother/lover/friend who noone else wants to speak of, all three sneaking sips of Spike's liberated Jack. Xander _does_ remember talking and then screaming at Giles when he asks him to stay and help them keep fighting, keep _killing_. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll help another way." He remembers saying goodbye to Faith, ignoring Robin entirely, and promising Dawn that she can come with him when he's more settled, as if that exists without _him_. Now, months in, he thinks he might have found a balance between pining and existing.

 

Spike sits in Angel's office, stunned. They've just lost Fred and gained a Primordial God King. Not a fair trade off, if you ask him. But he's learned to live with unfair trade-offs. Help his Grandsire, who is finally turning _to_ instead of against, and die a little every day without Xan. Help the team- _he's never really been apart of one before-_ and cry himself to sleep at night. Andrew's been and gone, telling him of The White Knight's Noble Quest In The Dark Continent. He snarls "What the sodding hell is he doin' _there_!?" The tosser tells of The Battle of Wills between the Watcher and his boy. He thinks he understands why Xan wanted to go, but is torn between calling Rupert- _stupid git_ -and leaving Xan alone. Of course, the soul takes him to task about that. So he locks Angel out of his own office and dials. "Rupert..."

 

"SPIKE???"

 

"Yeah. Where's my boy, then?"

 

"Good Lord! Andrew said he'd seen "a miracle" and then blathered something about Tolkien, but he didn't-"

 

" WATCHER!!! I want to speak to Xan, yeah? Give me the damn number!"

 

" Right, of course."

 

Ten minutes and two numbers scrawled later, he dials the first. "Hey, Nibblet." The ensuing conversation includes screaming, crying, and a promise not to die again. Spike stares at the notepad after it's done, unsure of time, distance and himself. He hears Angel muttering outside "Dammit, boyo, just call already." _Deep breaths._ He steels his nerves. He dials.

 

Xander is in his dingy little hut, drunk on sloe gin, and he can't stop fucking thinking, _feeling_ and God he was wrong. The world has no color, no sound, no snarky British dude to make life sing again. He glares at the phone Will made him take because she worries. Well she shouldn't, she's got Kennedy, after all. Why should she see anything else when she's got her substitute, who'll never be Tara, _ever?_ He wonders if she talks to Spike, wherever they are. He wonders if he can be there, too. But if he does what he very much wants, maybe he won't be with them. Shit. And Spike would kill him when he got there. He takes another gulp. Maybe he'll just sit and wait for the phone to ring. It does.

"Hey, Will."

"It's me, love. "

 

_Some time later_

 

They walk hand in hand; Xander watching Spike squinting at the sun. His eyes darting back and forth, peering at shop windows and their reflections.

“Look at us, love. The world is watching.” Spike grins at him. A peal of laughter in every word.

“Nah, Spike. I only see you.” A warm smile now.

“Listen! Our song is playing.” He stops in front of a pub. Sure enough, The Pogues are serenading the surly and sublime. Xander takes his other hand and spins and sways them close. The shuffling mass of people walk a little slower, watching the two slow dance and mouth the words. An old man smiles. He remembers this well: the exuberance and unshakable force.

 


End file.
